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SELF WHORING! SELF WHORING EEEEEEEVERYWHERE
Hi :3 I’m writing a short-ish story about this girl who lives in the suburbs. Basically, it’s for an English writing assignment where we had to write a short story using the suburban gothic. Aaaaaaand yeah. Check it out, let me know what you think ^_^ I’ll be posting more throughout the next week, since I have February break :3
WHOOPS my reply’s too long for an ask.
LOVE the bit about the Amish, not just because it’s funny, but because it doesn’t come off as a plot device — kudos to you if it actually is though— although I suppose it introduces the narrator’s personality as well, it just feels like one of those random lines of dialogue that happens in organic conversation! The dialogue feels organic. You introduced [blonde chick] really well because I feel like I know who she is already. I can picture how she looks like, how she acts, how she speaks etc. Love the suburban references— zumba, vitamin water, freaking DSW!
If I had to give some positive criticism, the flow of the [second paragraph] in the first chapter felt the least organic. It didn’t have as much flow as all the other parts, and It felt like it was an actual written work by an author, not the narrator’s inner monologue, but it had really good content. It’s probably just the phrasing that kind of had my inner audio book reader stutter a bit.
I’m excited about the next chapter because I want to find out why the heck she’s sliding down that door (?!). Is she exhausted from school? Sad about the whole dad situation? Just tired of life in general? ALSO, looking forward to the gothic elements! If I had your teacher, I’d love/hate him/her because it’s such a good prompt! (Love because it’s such a good prompt that I’d be thrilled to write off it, hate because it’s such a good prompt that I’d probably tear my scalp off trying to do it justice!) Lastly, looking forward to when you finally legit introduce [new girl], although to be honest, I’m WAY more interested about the narrator at this point.
The end.
