I will not overthink this

DUDES, according to a three year trend, I seem to start legit caring about being a fatty around the second week of March, and even though I’m at the fattest I’ve been (to be fair, I’m at my lean massiest too, I guess?), at least I got an early start this year? lolololololololol

Also another encouraging trend? I seem to start giving a fuck a week earlier per subsequent year!

Look at the efficiency by which I store fat for winter tho.

It is hypothesized that subject will eventually remember that subject is human, not hibernatory bear specie, in future winter seasons. Continued observation is recommended.

ma-bster:

Wai- wait, what?! What the fuck did I just read.

No.

No, okay thingsaboutboyfriends are supposed to be cute/nice/romantic things girls/guys like about their boyfriends. Like, little quirks that happen.

APOLOGIZING WHEN YOU HURT SOMEONE’S FEELINGS SHOULD NOT BE A QUIRK.

If your significant other does not apologize after hurting your feelings what the fuck are you doing in that relationship? That’s just jerky.

as;dlgkhasl;dkhga;lskdhga;lskdjfas;dgklhas;ldkfja;hdgsklasdf

I heard the the next one reads, “Doesn’t force you to do sexual acts when you clearly don’t want to engage in them at the moment nor punish you— emotionally or otherwise— for denying him teh sex.”

These are behaviors that deserve the awarding of cookies because these are behaviors that go far and beyond what is expected of male members of the species Homo sapiens , whose primordial directives are to propagate the species and assert dominance over all in his domain.

This study will survey the effect of fixed-ratio positive reinforcement in the behavior of male H. sapiens. A positive correlation with civility is expected. The sample population consists of male H. sapiens in the planet with the following coordinates:  Continuing surveys of the primitive subspecies’ evolution is recommended.

notyourpanda:

brettnexx:

chimpiewestside:

annie-banks:

reichenbachfallfromgrace:

raisedyoufromperdition:

sirwatson:

moriartyed:

scipsy:

Not so good, but since the most common vocabulary size for non-native English spearkes is from 2,500–9,000 words, at least I’m in the average.

Test Your Vocabulary: how many words do you know?

pretty much what i was expecting

21,500 words aw yeahhh

23,600 words

good thing it didn’t ask me to spell all of them…

Seems studying for the GRE has yet one more use: taking online vocab tests.  lol…

My occasional semantic pedantry explained. (Go to http://testyourvocab.com to…test your vocab!)  The being ESL probably plays a part, too, since other ESL people have initiated semantic debates with me too, which is to say I understand how my semantic pedantry can be frustrating.

Why use a lot of small words when you can use one big word, right?

EXAMPLE:
“Jeeze, what do you have against fun? It’s just that I think we’re giving a lot of information, and everyone will get bored.”

“We’ll make up for it with alacrity.”

“What does that even mean?”

“Vivacity! Joie de vivre! We can put the fun in the delivery. I mean, if we know our stuff and we’re prepared, we can be cute and casual about it, but we’ll still hit all the points we need to hit. That’s why I’d rather have everyone not rely on notes for the whole presentation, and why I propose we all meet to get wired up on caffeine before the presentation. Believe me, we’ll get them engaged, and we won’t have to resort to…I mean, remember that the goal here is to make a consultancy presentation that a company would pay us 5 grand for. Skits and youtube clips just don’t seem appropriate. Let’s give it a practice run, and you’ll see. Full perfomance level, everyone!”

 
“Wow. I actually had fun watching us. It wasn’t boring at all.”

“See? Alacrity. We didn’t have to resort to gimmicks, and people won’t probably know that dem be l’arnin!’”

We won the client in this academic simulation ^_^

Sometimes, I have a counterproductive tendency to explain small words in terms of big words as well.

“Do you have good dexterity?” I asked one of my lab partners while motioning with my hands before we worked on dissecting a frog to add chronotropic agents to its heart.

“What does that mean again?”

“Are you good with your hands? The frog’s really small so I might get butter fingers and fuck the frog up.”

“No, but what does it mean exactly? Like, the dictionary meaning.”

“Well, dexterity could refer to manual or mental dexterity so I guess I should’ve said manual dexterity instead. Nimbleness. Adroitness.”

Imagine how much more verbose I’d be if I broke big words into bunches of small words.

My mother’s tax preparer better get her a lot of refunds; I spent two hours printing and filing dis shit. I got injured too! I’d like to say it was a paper cut, but glass was involved in this somehow. (I was preparing it under this sheet of glass covering a collage of pictures on the counter…it’s a long story)

My mother told me her friend got 100k in refunds off this tax preparer (after going over 10 years of tax history— the tax preparer used to work for the IRS  and works on commission so homegirl is legit), and I’m like, shit, son, that’s my master’s and maybe the first year of my clinical doctorate right there. I love that I develop necessary life skills in my function as my mother’s personal assistant. lol

Speaking of my mother and my academic plans, I have, more than ever, been getting peer-pressured into considering med or pharm d school. Friends, classmates and professors have been telling me that mah brainz is meant for more than just what I am pursuing, but the MCATs and my life-satisfaction projections might beg to differ.

Fortunately, my interactions with my mother has trained me to at least justify why I would rather not pursue medicine. In a nutshell, I’ll become like Gregory House except with less intelligence and even less propensity for drug abuse. (Hello, Medical and Pharmacy board from the future!) Unfortunately, I have no defense against Pharm D except that it would make the post-secondary teaching route impractical and/or long-winded (less so than med school, which borders insane) although I suppose I could at least become a preceptor for a pharmacy school.

I hate/love that the potential twofold increase in salary should I get a Pharm D isn’t enough to get me sold on it. I mean, I figured I could just get a clinical doctorate— which should let me earn as much as a pharmacist— on top of my masters should I decide to make bank at some point in my glorious dream of achieving college tenure.

I’m hoping they don’t change the requirements for an entry-level tenure track from an MS to a PhD in my field because, I mean, my insanity has its limits.

 Y’know though— and this seems like uncommon knowledge— professors can make bank to the tune of close to 200k, although, really, I’m cool with 50k full-time for a job that doesn’t suck all the time out of you. It still probably will, but I’ll do it out of my own free will and not of my master’s bidding because I am a free man! The only person allowed to make my life unnecessarily hard and complicated is me, m’sieurs et m’mselles!

This is because I intend to make my exams essay-heavy, which will be a bitch to grade, but will fairly appraise comprehension of the material. Appropriate enough, methinks, since comprehension can mean life and death in dem medicinal matters.

“So, is my answer right?” my Physiology study groupmate asks me.

“Hmmmm,” I take a couple seconds, “yeaaah I guess.”

“What do you mean ‘you guess’? Do you know what the answer is?”

“I mean, it’s not exactly accurate. Okay, so actually, technically, this should be…”

“Oh god,” she says, exasperated, “just assume it’s the same thing. That’s what they are to me.”

“Welp, too bad I’m a pedantic bastard. I mean, I guess in this case they are kind of the same.”

 ”You’ll be such a hard teacher.”

“Hey, I’d still give you credit for it! I mean, I’d probably give more credit to an exact answer, but I’ll still give you credit. I’ll probably scribble stuff on your paper just to make sure you know what’s what though. For larnin’, y’know.”

Heck, I’d teach part-time as a lucrative hobby and general life-satisfaction index booster.